Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize