I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have post one night stand depression
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
