Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
