my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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