Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
