somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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