i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I could fuck to npr.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
