The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
