your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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