google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
