is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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