I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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