True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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