Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
