people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
