she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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