I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
