And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this will be a night to untag.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
