So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
