i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
