I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
