Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
