I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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