Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Small penises have feelings too.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
