Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
