Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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