All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
