I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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