officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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