I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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