saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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