Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
