omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
