Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
