Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
