You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
