Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
