thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
