honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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