I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
