glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
