YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
