Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The struggles of a small town man whore
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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