Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
