did you get engaged???
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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