shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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