I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
