Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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