if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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