We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
