just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
