rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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