I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
