Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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