you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
