i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
