Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
