I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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