I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
