so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
