Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
